AS most of u are concerned about a new link i had just inserted recently in my 'FEATURED' links, it seems that most ppl are still not aware of that COOL~~~ website....
very the easy to find...
under 'doggy featured', u will find a link called 'UNCYCLOPEDIA'..
well its sort of a modified version of the familiar WIKIPEDIA..
just that the contents are QUITE different~
well, u'll noe when u browse thru that web..
here's an example of one of the contents in that web..
simply enter the web, at the search bracket, type in 'MALAYSIA'....
and it will tell you EVERYTHING about malaysia....... ^^
just a short "synopsis" of wat's in the content 'malaysia'.........
Essentially the penis of Asia, which is located to the north of their cousins who live on an even smaller island Singapore, Malaysia (also known as Bolehland) is a young nation of diverse cultures and races such as F1 Formula-1 and Nascar. The timezone of Malaysia is unique because it follows the system of +1/+2 PMT (Predetermined Meeting Time) which is 1 or 2 hours later than PMT. Most foreigners have difficulty adjusting to this new timezone as they tend to show up 1 or 2 hours earlier than their local counterparts. The nation is moving forward with a vision towards becoming a developed nation by the year 2020, 3030, 4040 or whatever catchy number.
LANGUAGE OF MALAYSIA - ROJAK~
Definition of Rojak by UNCYCLOPEDiA - The official and most widely spoken language of Malaysians is Rojak Language, also known as Bahasa Rojak. Rojak language often regarded as the World's 2nd International Language by experts for its diversity and uniqueness by combining various languages. It consists of Malay, Chinese, Tamil, English, Japanese, Spanish, French, Hokkien, Thai, Elven, Orc, Pokemon, Digimon, Mars, Venus, and many more.
Useful and Common Phrases
- Hello/Hi - WASSUP BRUDDER LONG TIEM NU SEE
- GoodBye - Aiyah no time talk liao baibai
- Where's the toilet? - Oi kawan, where jamban?
- Let's have sex - I wan rape you can ah?
- Are you a hooker? - Satu malam berapa?
- Why did you kill my cow? - BODOH! Ay Fookin ke you Lemak!
- I will have your daughter's hand in marriage. - Tandas! Tandas! Tandas!
- One Cheeseburger and a large coke - Oi TAUKEH, burger and cola kasi satu!
The Minister of Education of course denies any favouring towards the Malays but everyone knows that if you are non-Malay, the job of marking your paper will be outsourced to another country, usually Zaire, Chile, Guatemala, Imaginationland, and Krakozhia(The place where Tom Hanks came from in the movie "The Terminal").
Still, the Malays are generous enough to do extra badly in the exams and thus end up with marks lower than the Chinese or Indians. However, most Malays regret neglecting their education and not being able to make good money and so they usually take on jobs that allow them to feel the money in their hands for a little while. Examples are toll booth attendants, fast food restaurant cashiers, and those people that sit in front of public toilets to collect 20 cents per toilet entry, plus another 20 cents for toilet paper.
MALAYSIAN ECONOMY
Malaysia exports a lot of rubber to countries around the world. All thanks to the hard work of the heroic rubber tappers summoning up courage to face the occasional 'pontianak' or 'momok' frights as well as countless attacks from cobras, Polar Bears and Hamsters.
Another source of income is from pirates. There are usually two types of pirates in Malaysia: "Yarrr ye mateys! Get 'dem DVDs out an sell'em befere those darned police send us and our jolly ship ta' Davy Jones Locker! Arrrr!", or "Avast there! Thar she bee... a fyne ship from Hong Kong laden wit sweet Sony DVD players! Board her and seize tha booty! Start thee Yamaha engines and load thee canons, ya scurvy mongrels! Yarrr!"
The main Malaysian export is brains which is sourced from today's brightest minds of Malaysian youth. Brains are exported to countries such as UK, the US and Australia through institutions called private colleges. This is a serious problem for Bolehland because while this ensures that Malaysia would be free of the undeserving immigrant Chinese, it also makes Malaysian graduates more stupid in average. Studies show that by the year 2019, Malaysian graduates will be unable to differentiate between their left and right hand.
The main Malaysian import is China porn, which has high demand by Malaysian buyers in pasar malams. The local porn market has seen increased production in recent years, with titles such as 'Couple muda buat di tandas', 'Seks panas tepi pantai', 'Datuk rogol anak perempuan' frequently on sale at various pasar malams.
PLKN (some ppl would reli love this section =D so i have extracted the whole text from PLKN ^^)
Malaysia is the only country with its own style of National Service which is not base on military conscripting. Yet, there are at least 1 death every year due to this program. Malaysia Boleh.
PLKN is military training and sex education in a single package. Each year there is at least one person who got his cherry popped (anally violated to be exact). During the course the trainer will often rape the trainee or vice versa. The males are always the victim - why the girls are somehow spared is unknown.
The Malaysian National Service has been arranged into several modules:
- Physical Module: Produce military teams to invade another country. 1st target Communist Singapore, then Indonesia, and finally the evil USA. Malaysians are trained to use the keris (traditional Malay knife used for carving bananas) in combat. C4 detonating course is personally supervised by Najib.
- Character Building Module: Build up character to cheat tourists, bribe people, snatch handbags, Mat Rempit, spit on the floor, lead UMNO, etc...
- Gay Education Module: Malaysia's attempt to halt the raping and turn it into a formal training session. This only applies to male dorm when it is night time. The only activity they can do is Gay Party!
- Lesbian Education Module: Similar program as above but for the girls.
- Community Service Module: Where the trainees are treated as slaves for cleaning sewage, moving large concrete to a construction site, pushing stones, burn rubbish, campaign for UMNO and loiter around the village showing off their uniforms.
- Suicide Bombing Module: Cancelled due to lack of volunteers from non-Muslim trainees.
Accidents
If you happen to see a car hit a motorcycle, quickly stop your car and stand there to watch to see whether the biker died or still alive. Make sure you join the crowd, watch and talk nonesense as if you care and willing to help. Don't call an ambulance - they won't arrive in time and besides it's not that you really care.
Those who won't stop their cars can always slow down and irritate the rest of the drivers behind you. You may stare at the dying victims and say "Waaa nowadays very dangerous, drivers are so careless..." and then drive away with no sense of sympathy whatsoever. You MUST do this, otherwise you are not Malaysian.
Last but not least make sure you copy down the number plates for 4D - the more serious the accident the better. The best number is from a car who hit a pig and crashed into a muddy hole filled with angry crocodiles and exploded killing a masjid imam nearby. This ensures 100% win in a lottery.
Winning elections in Malaysia (one of the coolest part!)
In Bolehland, winning elections is a no-brainer. Anyone can become a prominent YB(Yang Bodoh/Yang Babi) these days - even a university reject (don't believe me, ask Najis Tong Rosak).
To gain Malay votes, you just have to promise them first-class citizen treatment. As for the Chinese promise them lots of money, business opportunities and good fortune. Then for the Indians promise you won't demolish Hindu temples anymore.
For the Orang Asli...err...who cares. Their votes are too small to make a difference, but if you insist then just promise the usual stuff - more transport and infrastructure into their jungles, more hospitals, etc. However you should NOT promise them first class citizen treatment - or the Malays will jail you under ISA for treason.
Of course, as in all elections around the world, you can forget about fulfilling your promise once you won, so that later you can promise the same thing again!!Can meh? Of course we can. Malaysia Boleh Mah!
Language Dillema
Following a policy reversal of teaching Math and Science in English, nation-wide SPM test scores for rural areas increased by 0.005%, which experts claim has the same significance as Najib playing with C4 in Malaysia or a Malay raping his daughter. The remaining students refused to sit for the exam due to the ridiculous questions such as in Add Math, "Cuba cari jawapan untuk x dalam persamaan x+1=0. Kalau tak boleh tak apa, kertas jawapan tanda Bumiputera dah okay, tambah 60 markah". Universities outside the country refused to accept any SPM candidates and the Malaysian university ranking plummeted another 20 places, behind Zimbabwe, Nigeria and Somalia.
Free Online Tips & Techniques
- What's worst is the police are most probably never going to get around to justice because they only believe in corruption and collecting "kopi-o money" which is basically a sum from RM50-RM3000 that will get you off any offense, even murder!
- Aiyoh guys, why y'all want to work? What for, work so hard? Frankly speaking, to become rich in Malaysia, you should try and spend your time looking for a Datuk, and then you tell him that you want the project 'Keep Kepong Clean Campaign' or 'Keep Our Rivers Clean Campaign', etc. Then make sure the project costs 80 million: 10% goes to actual work, 35 million to the Datuk, the rest you keep. Remember, quickly buy property in Australia, and get your PR there.
- Important: Make sure the 'Keep Clean Campaign' fails- deliberately fails-so that you can always have more campaigns and more opportunities.
- Hottest Job: Custom officer (please apply now).
- Play Golf: You can meet a lot of rich Datuks, ministers and businessmen in the golf course. Don't waste time playing other type of sports especially football, sepaktakraw, swimming, etc. Datuks are obese and weak so they only play golf. So if you don't play golf sorry lah, you have no future. (it seems that BOON BOON has a bright future then =D)
- Become an UMNOputra and expect handouts from your clique.
Favorite quotes of the Customer Service representative at TMwait Slowmyx / TMnerd Shitmyx
"We will assign a contracter to your place to look into the matter by tomorrow(in fact a week)." " Nonit talk so much la..... Let me make report for u. U take the report number and keep quiet... Wait for technician to come( if he remembers).. Bye.... tooo..tooo.." I am sorry, our support does not cover that. Try calling the company that made your computer or Microsoft. (I have no idea what you are talking about and my script does not cover these sorts of things. Rather than tell you I have no talent, I am instead telling you to go somewhere else and passing the buck to them. Yet I know they also have help desks in Malaysia so I am phoning them ahead to warn them about you. You are so fuxxored.)
First time calling: "We need three working days to solve this problem." Call after three days: "We need three working days to solve this problem." and continue the process.
The UnBiased Government of Malaysia (some very sad cases... or should i say, MOST...if the facts provided are TRUTH)
(10) 7% is the percentage of Chinese government servants in the entire government (in 2004); a drop from 30% in 1960.
(14) 100 big companies set up, owned and managed by Chinese Malaysians were taken over by government, and later managed by Malays since 1970s, e.g. UTC, UMBC, MISC, etc.
(18) 8000 billion ringgit is the total amount the government channeled to Malay pockets through ASB, ASN, MARA, privatization of government agencies, Tabung Haji etc, through NEP over a 34 years period.
(19) 48 Chinese primary schools closed down from 1968 - 2000.
(20) 144 Indian primary schools closed down from 1968 - 2000.
(22) 2.5% is government budget for Chinese primary schools. Indian schools got only 1%, Malay schools got 96.5%.
(23) While a Chinese parent with RM1000 salary (monthly) cannot get school textbook loan, a Malay parent with RM2000 salary is eligible.
(28) 128 STPM Chinese top students could not get into the course to which they aspired, i.e. Medicine (in 2004).
(30) 50 cases in which Chinese and Indian Malaysians are beaten up in the National Service program in 2003.
(31) 25% of the Malaysian population was Chinese in 2004, a drop from 45% in 1957.
(32) 7% of the Malaysian population is Indian (2004), a drop from 12% in 1957.
(33) 2 million Chinese Malaysians have emigrated in the past 40 years.
(34) 0.5 million Indian Malaysians have emigrated overseas.
(35) 3 millions Indonesians have migrated to Malaysia and become Malaysian citizens with Bumis status.
41) 0 temples/churches were built for each housing estate. But every housing estate got at least one mosque/surau built.
(42) 3000 mosques/surau were built in all housing estates throughout Malaysia since 1970. No temples or churches are required to be built in housing estates.
(43) 1 Catholic church in Shah Alam took 20 years to apply to have a building constructed. But they were told by Malay authority that it must look like a factory and not like a church. As of 2004 the application still have not been approved.
(47) 10 times, at least, Malays (especially Umno) had threatened to massacre the Chinese Malaysians using May 13, since 1969.
(48) 20 constituencies won by DAP would not get funds from the government to develop. These Chinese majority constituencies would be the last to be developed.
(49) 100 constituencies (parliaments and states) had been racially re-delineated so Chinese votes were diluted for Chinese candidates. This is one of the main reasons why DAP candidates have consistently lost in elections since the 1970s.
(52) 20 reported cases whereby Malay ambulance attendances treated Chinese patients inhumanely, and Malay government hospital staffs purposely delayed attending to Chinese patients in 2003. Unreported cases may be 200.
(53) 50 cases each year whereby Chinese, especially Chinese youths, are being beaten up by Malay youths in public places. Police reports may be checked to verify this, provided the police took the report, otherwise there will be no record.
(54) 20 cases every year whereby Chinese drivers who accidentally knocked down Malays were seriously assaulted or killed by Malays.
(55) 12% is what ASB/ASN got per annum while banks fixed deposits are only about 3.5% per annum.
read it up...
u may find most of them funny, bt some of them are quite sad to hear..
perhaps most of us reading this post are gonna migrate away from BOLEHLAND, maybe not.....
again, MALAYSIA BOLEH~
p.s. try browsing the web by searching 'proton cars' 'malaysian culture' and many many more! ^^
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